You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
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