return my video game
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
