Hey man sorry I got all grabby
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
cat food counts as protein by the way
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
