All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
