weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
We smell like vodka and hangover
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