You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
