Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
