He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
