now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
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