I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
