Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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