You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
