why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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