If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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