if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
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