I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
