im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
where are you?
Hypothermia
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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