Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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