wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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