How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
