I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
