Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
