If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
