dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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