i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
