I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
4 words: hood of his car
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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