I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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