I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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