i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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