we made out on top of his cat.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
