btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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