I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
