She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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