I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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