If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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