Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
