can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Randomize
