I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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