I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
