I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
