you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
