WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
