She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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