Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
