I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
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