Your face is a jimmy john
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
