maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
home. puking in laundry basket.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Drunk walkin through police station. America
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Randomize