dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Randomize
