im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
