I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
MIDGETS
????
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
