You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
