wake up i wanna do it froggy style
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize