it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
