I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
dude. I can hear the air.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
