he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize