I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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