god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
