I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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