pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
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