AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Randomize
