You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
