wakey wakey hands off snakey
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
