I haven't been this sober since birth.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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