so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
