she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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