I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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