You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
