I could make wine with my vomit
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
