I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
