god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
