It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
