watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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