HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
You pole danced in your parka.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
