accomplished twins. life is a go
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
