so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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