dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I made him laugh his dick is mine
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
