Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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