k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
